It’s My Wedding Blog Serial: Heidi & Brittany – As If Coming Out Once Wasn’t Enough!

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In the spirit of loving friends, famliy, fun & self-deprecating humor, we are pleased to introduce a new series to our Gay Wedding Fodder readers: It’s My Wedding And I Can Cry If I Want To. Several couples have expressed an interest in sharing the stories of their wedding journies with Gay Wedding Fodder and we are pleased to share this space with them. Each is in a different place in the wedding planning process but all love to weave a good yarn and all are happy to share with us their trials & tribulations, inspirations & tips, and tears of joy and tears of disappointment or dismay. Perhaps you’ll recognize a bit of your relationship in these intallments?
Heidi: Coming out of the closet was an interesting process, but I won’t bore you with the details of my coming out…you’ve all been through it.
But when you decide to get married, it’s a completely different experience. For example, I came out to my Mom and she says “I love you more now than I did before.”
Then, I tell her we’re getting married in a little over a year and she says: “A lot can change in a year.” What does that mean?
Brittany: And then there’s my mom…it was a lot better telling her we’re getting married than telling her I’m gay.
When I came out to her there was a lot of yelling and name calling and then she hung up.
I told her we were getting married and she wasn’t thrilled or anything, but she did offer to help.
Heidi: Then there are the other interesting responses, such as my oldest, very Mormon sister: “Oh, that will be fun” in the most un-excited tone she can muster. Or my next oldest, very hippy sister: “We’ll see what’s going on around then.” And I’m expecting all these responses like “I’m so happy for you and I’ll move the moon to be there!”
I wonder if I would get those responses if Brittany were a man?
Brittany: Yeah, you probably would. It seems like people don’t consider this as real as a straight marriage.
But we’ve also gotten some great responses. Like my Dad and step mom. They were supportive when I came out, but even more supportive when I told them we were getting married. More from my step mom than my dad. But he doesn’t really ever show emotion.
Heidi: I’ve had some great responses too. My two younger sisters are extremely excited. My dad, as ever the best man in my life, started suggesting places we might have the ceremony, offering to take all the pictures and run the music through his iPod (which will save us a pretty penny…thanks Dad!). My half-brother, who’s in Iraq right now and has a wife and five kids (three of which I’ve never met), says he’ll be there…of course, through e-mail I can’t hear his tone, but I’ll assume he’s excited for us.
I know I shouldn’t dwell on those not-so-stellar responses when I have great people that are enthusiastic…but I just don’t get it. I thought for sure my hippy sister in particular would make it a priority to be there for me, just like Brittany and I bought plane tickets and flew to Washington State a year ago to be at her wedding. What’s the difference?
Brittany: I guess that both coming out and announcing a serious commitment are defining moments. You learn who really cares about you and learn a lot about yourself.
Heidi: But I’d say that telling people you’re making a commitment to someone makes it more real, and then you see their true colors. I mean, once we get married, there’s no going back to the person they all hoped we would be.
I’ve found that I’ve grown up a lot as a person. When I came out to people there was a lot of crying and stuff on my part. I felt like I was letting people down a little bit. But I’ve come to a place in my life where I know who I am and what I want and what makes me happy. So while some responses may hurt, like my hippy sister’s response, others, like my mom and Mormon sister, and I’m sure my other Mormon family members when I tell them, just roll off my back and I move on without thinking too much about them. If they show up, great! If not, I won’t be as hurt as I might have been before.
Brittany: I’m excited to see who will be there. Because like I said, you learn who cares about you when you come out. But I think we’ll learn who really loves us and who we can truly rely on by who shows up at our wedding.
Heidi: As if coming out once wasn’t enough!
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Editor’s Note: Would you and your partner like to participate in our Blog Serial, It’s My Wedding & I Can Cry If I Want To? Learn more about the series and contact Kathryn.