A Little Solitaire Confinement For Lesbian Brides

We recently received this question from a client:
Hi, I just came across your site on the internet, and I think it’s a great resource! My partner and I have just decided to tie the knot, and we’re unsure of how to proceed on the ring front.
I like the idea of giving her an engagement ring, especially because we don’t plan on having a ceremony
for over a year. We have been shopping for a solitaire, but now we have some reservations. The primary reservation is that a solitaire engagement ring is fairly “straight.” Neither of us is particularly hesitant to
appropriate straight traditions, but my partner worries that having a fairly traditional engagement ring would only help to foster other people’s assumptions that she’s engaged to a man.

The alternative we’re considering would be for us both to wear engagement bands inlaid with diamonds, and exchange plain bands during the ceremony. The fact of the matter is that we like the look of the solitaire better, but don’t want to deal with any added assumptions that come with it.
What are other lesbians doing? If we do go with the solitaire, any suggestions for avoiding third-party assumptions? Any help would be very much appreciated!

My reply:
Congratulations on your engagement! We would be honored to help you and your partner any way we can…
I have seen a wide range of choices made by our lesbian clients. I know many who choose bands as an engagement and/or as a wedding ring. Many of my friends have chosen variations of bands with different proportions of diamonds to platinum.
I, for example, have a platinum band set (stacking rings), one of which has a row of channel-set diamonds. I wear it on my left hand so it’s traditional, yet different and still has lots of bling!
I have other friends who have gotten full diamond bands (antique or prong set) and others who have done two-tone bands.
And, of course, I know of many who have opted for the traditional solitaire setting with a diamond or another stone to mix it up a bit, and then have matched it with a band during the ceremony.
I guess my basic advice is this:
It’s your commitment to each other and you are going to be the ones who will be looking at your fingers for the rest of your life. Get the ring you most want to have and which best represents your feeling about your relationship.
No matter what type of ring you purchase, someone will make an incorrect assumption. And, that’s OK. You’ll just have to take a second to lovingly correct that person with the correct pronoun.
Contact us or review our partial online selection if you would like more information on ordering rings for your wedding or commitment ceremony.

2 thoughts on “A Little Solitaire Confinement For Lesbian Brides

  1. My ring is a very traditional 3-stone diamond ring set in platinum. It looks like a 1920s antique.
    People frequently make references to “my husband” before I correct them, but I don’t mind, because BEFORE I had the ring people were assumed I was straight and single, which was definitely more annoying than a flubbed gender pronoun. Now they know I’m taken, and they are usually very respectful of my relationship even after they I mention my partner is female.

  2. We have matching diamond rings. They’re obviously engagement rings and very occasionally someone assumes I’m straight when they ask about it, but most people don’t ask. Moreover, I agree with Shannon (above)- most people tend to assume I’m straight anyway, but before it was the straight-and-single assumption. It can be a little unnerving for me sometimes, as I’m a social worker and never know how an inquisitive client will react when corrected about that assumption. Still, I love wearing my ring and what it means, and if coming out a little more often in response to others’ incorrect assumptions is the price I pay for wearing it, I’m glad to fight the good fight that much more often.

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